Insecurities and Fear

I felt like reading the bible and talking more to GOD has helped me in so many aspects. Other aspects I’m still very much struggling. In thinking back it really started with my first job.

Everything was great. It was a new retail store that was opening up. The managers at this store were amazing! They’d sit down and learn about you. Your strengths and weaknesses properly trained and utilized.

I was still in school(senior in high school) and bad hip problems due to a left side limp, needless to say I had some hour restrictions. They worked with me. After a while sadly all the managers slowly started getting promotions and moving away.

The new manager was less emphatic and didn’t really care about any health issues you had.

He was a difficult boss for me to deal with. Add on to it my ADHD(that I didn’t know I had at the time) it was very overwhelming. In the middle of a shift one day I started crying a little and my coworkers could tell I wasn’t doing ok.

I try really hard to hide my emotions, I fail but dang do I try. Once my brain makes up its mind though I physically can not push myself past it. So that day after I let some tears peer through I went in and quit. This long story is to say that I quit when things got tough. In turn that makes me afraid to try.

Many-and I mean many-retail jobs later I fell into the exact same pattern. Work my butt off, find a rhythm, get overwhelmed and I quit. It’s build a pattern in me that makes it difficult to get and keep a job longer than 6 ish months.

I am in a much better place mentally and physically that if I could push myself past these patterns I would probably succeed in a career. I’ve gotten my PCOS and Hoshimoto’s reasonably manage, I’ve lost weight so there’s less pain when I move, and my depression and anxiety greatly improved but there is that block of why get into something when I could have a mental breakdown and ruin it all.

I recently just prayed to god to help me find a career that is ment for me, help me find a passion that I can sustain myself and be more independent financially. But maybe I could be asking for the wrong thing. Every single job has its rough times and days where you are questioning if you should stay.

I’d love to know if I’m not the only one and what’s helping you bust out of this struggle? I trust in GOD and know he will help me but some days I feel so angry and impatient